Be careful what you pray for....

I had an interesting afternoon yesterday. It had been cold and raining most of the day, so we, the girls, stayed in. We went to pick Asher up from school and got home to catch up on the day, get snacks, you know the usual after school routine.

Sometime around 4 pm, my doorbell rang. I went to answer it and it was a woman with her adolescent age daughter. (This same woman came to me in the drive way the other day asking for money, to buy her daughter something she needed. I had a few dollars on me and gave it to her and she went on her way. I was talking to my neighbor that evening about the woman and she told me that this same woman also asked her for money, but my neighbor was in another part of town when she was approached. The lady gave her the same story. I gave her more than enough money to buy what she needed. So I immediately became skeptical, naturally. So this is the background to this encounter yesterday.) Anwyay...I prayed that God would bring her back my way, because it really bothered me that she was using her daughter in the way it seemed she was. I wanted to give her a talking to!! Well she came back yesterday asking for a ride to some hotel up the street a bit. She said she didn't have any place to stay that night and was going to be staying at this hotel. I immediately became skeptical and didn't feel it the safest thing to take all of my kids in the car with her to this "hotel". I told her I couldn't right then and that I was sorry. She said ok and went on her way. When I closed the door, I felt so bad for doing that to her. More so for her daughter, because it was cold and rainy and it was a good bit of a walk. I started praying and pacing and became aggravated that I turned her away. After all, I did pray for her to come back. I called Todd and talked to him briefly about it and thought that maybe I should leave my kids with my neighbor and try to go find her. He told me to do what I thought best. So I called my neighbor and mulled it over with her a bit, and took the kids to her house. I quickly got in my car, and started looking for them. I looked and looked, even did a couple of trips down the path I thought they may have taken and never found them. I was praying in the car, and I didn't know if I was doing the right thing or not. When it seemed as though I wasn't going to find them, I called Todd back. When he answered, I immediately began to sob. I'm not afraid to write this on here. I need to deal with this. I cried hard. I cried because I had prejudices, because I was afraid, because I didn't seize the opportunity I had prayed for, I cried for her daughter. I don't know anything about this woman really. I have to think that she may be doing the best she knows how to do. I didn't trust her though. I believe that the H.S. gives us direction in many situations and I just didn't trust her. I sure didn't want to put my kids in a potential situation that could have been bad. They are my primary concern always. Even still, she came back. I'm praying she'll come back again and that God will give me the boldness and confidence to talk to her, really talk to her. You who are reading this may not know me well, but this is for sure, I want to be used by God, I want to be an instrument of peace. I want it so bad, it hurts sometimes. There is so much more in my heart that it's hard to articulate. So I'll end this post here. If you want to, pray for me to follow God through the doors he opens and to not get in his way.

I'll update this story as it unfolds.

All I know is, God is good and has blessed me so stinkin abundantly and I want to pay it forward....without fear or condition.